One of the differences between Russian train travel and that of Ukraine is that, when you wake up on a Ukrainian train, your face isn't covered in feathers from a leaking pillow. So gone are the days of waking up looking like Foghorn Leghorn's mange-ridden older brother. And dreams of eating birds whole. The other big difference is that when you get out of your pit in a morning, you leave the tidying up to someone else. Luxury. I had swapped my lower bunk for the top one as the woman who had originally got the top one couldn't climb up there easily. I don't know why she didn't just change the ticket. Everyone else seems to.
When you buy a ticket in England, you state where and when you want to go, you pay your money, you get a ticket. Job done. In Russia, they have to do it all differently. When you're a Russian, you queue up, dodging from one to another in the vain hope you'll get served sooner than the regulation half hour wait. When you get to the window, you ask for a ticket to where you want to go. You're asked when. You say when. You ask how much, they tell you. You complain it's too expensive. They say, tough, do you want it or not? You say yes. They give you the ticket. You argue again about the price. You pay. You get your ticket. Then you move away from the window and allow the next person in line to get the first half of a carefully rehearsed Russian question said, before butting back in and telling the cashier that she has given you the wrong train / seat / date / price...
Kiev is expensive. I had decided to pick a hotel and not let my jaw drop when they told me how much it was, just to stay where I wanted to. I think it was worth it. I got a double bed - no more falling out in the middle of the night - with a real mattress, so no waking up with a creaky back. The towels in the bathroom all match and the small one is not cut from a worn larger one. The shower is a shower, attached to the wall, with hot water. The toilet is not made from concrete, and neither is the paper. So for the last two nights I have slept like a log and enjoyed my stay, even if it has cost me a fortune.
It would have cost me a lot more if I had fallen for this scam too. I walked out of the hotel on the first morning, freshly arrived from Odessa. I was walking up the road when a twenty-something bloke walked right in front of me, immediately stopped and bent down. As I moved around him, my best 'tut' forming, he stood up and showed me a wad of money - including dollars - held together with a bulldog clip. He asked if it was mine and I said no, then he said that we could share it, '50 - 50' as this was 'an old Russian custom' and it was only fair that I get something. It was when he got the money out for the second time that I realised this was a scam and I started to walk away. Just then another bloke appeared, said something to which I looked blank, and then said to me', 'Do you speak English?' to which I shrugged, looked even blanker and shook my head before walking off. They didn't pursue it, and I have since learned that this is a way of swapping a foreigner's real money for the fake stuff they have. I have been on my guard since then, with the result that a fifty-ish woman stopped me in the street earlier and asked if I could help her. I was just about to stop when I thought better of it, said no, and walked on. Maybe she was genuine, but I didn't hang around to find out.
Kiev has been a whistle-stop tour of the churches and monasteries, and anywhere inside as the weather's been foul. It's a nice city, but big and sprawling and I prefer the smaller places. So tonight, I will board my, hopefully, last overnight train to Kamyanets-Podilsky in the south west at the edge of the Carpathian mountains. This is supposed to be where Ukrainian is spoken as opposed to Russian and it will be nice to see some real hills for a change.
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